we're chasing vodka with high fives
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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