I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
