kristin has been a bad kristin
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
