I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
