PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
