he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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