so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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