Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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