i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
