Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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