new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
