Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
