is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
