just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
