and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
smell my finger.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
