You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
