Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
