The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
