Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
