wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
