evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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