she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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