I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Too much gin, very little bucket
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
