wanna go halves on a baby?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
