i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
