If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
