So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
