He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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