She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
we made out on top of his cat.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
