Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
