in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
