can we get nightvision for the apartment?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
