Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
