The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
