well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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