Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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