We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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