So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
