If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
