i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Less talking, more tequila
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
