I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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