who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
