I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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