Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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