If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I party with great urgency now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
