She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
