She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
