Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Randomize
