I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
