I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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