You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
