am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just high enough for therapy.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
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